my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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