Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I love you. Go after that dick
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
