Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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