i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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