Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
