Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
