I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
