in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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