I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Randomize
