i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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