I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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