it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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