Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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