So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
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