so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Randomize
