I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm too high and old for this...
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
