did you get engaged???
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
