Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Houston, we have a squirter
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
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