My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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