We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
