can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
