The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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