Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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