so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Randomize
