I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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