careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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