if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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