My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
