OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
