I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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