how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
