I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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