No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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