this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Just pee around me
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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