i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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