I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
