why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just gargled with NyQuil
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
