A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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