So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
