Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
If its not for food we ain't going out.
as a side note pls kill me
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