Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
