Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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