I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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