please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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