he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
