apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
