so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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