I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
