why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
