This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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