You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
