it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
