I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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