The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
