Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
