used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
God, I missed his penis.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
