I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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