We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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