why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Life is so much better after having sex.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
