its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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