The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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