I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
