My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
