I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I think my moral compass just broke
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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