Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
